Days 83 & 84: I can’t think of one thing of value I did on Monday. I mean, I went to work and worked. I came home and wandered through my evening, got up this morning, and started it all over again. Days like that feel like there is no life in living, just treading water.
The patient part of me says, Be present. Sit with it. Become aware of your surroundings. And that is often enough. Restless me wants to constantly be in forward motion, creating something, breaking down something, getting it in gear to GO. I was all about GO tonight with plans to box up a few more things heading toward the exit. Then my phone rang. It was Mary. She is in her 80’s. We have met 2-3 times over a lifetime and I will spend some time with her in October. She always talks as if we just stopped speaking to one another 5 minutes ago. She tells me family stories, asks me probing questions and punctuates important information with Are you getting what I’m saying to you here? And I do. She always reminds me how the past, present and future are woven together and that no human story is unique–someone, somewhere has been in a similar spot and made choices too. We spent a long while on the phone and then she said a quick Don’t forget I love you. We’ll talk soon.
I saw how the evening had slipped away along with the likelihood that I would accomplish much more tonight. The conversation also energized me with an interior eagerness to put some muscle behind my decluttering. I need/want/am going to have less stuff and need/want/am going to have more people time. Someone once said that the person with the most toys at the end wins. Somebody else said, the person who has the most time to play with their toys wins. I say, the person with any toys that are used up and worn out because they were shared doesn’t care about winning because just living is so enjoyable.